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  The sheer unjustness of the imputation made Pascoe speechless for a moment and Headingley said, 'He's along because of me, sir. We were meeting for a spot of lunch at The Duke of York and I asked him to give me a lift up here.'

  'Oh aye? Carless, are you? Do a lot of drinking in The Duke of York, do you?'

  Pascoe had recovered now and said coldly, 'More to the point maybe, what are you doing here, sir?'

  'Me? I'm on holiday,' said Dalziel. He supped his beer and regarded Pascoe thoughtfully over the glass. When he put it down, it was empty. He said, 'Young cop, frequenting expensive places like this, doesn't look good, Peter.'

  'It's even more expensive at night, they tell me.'

  'And they tell you right. Difference is, I wasn't paying.'

  'Me neither,' said Pascoe, glancing significantly at Headingley. 'But it does make a difference who's paying, doesn't it?'

  'Like Arnie Charlesworth? Didn't give me a chance. I was still reaching for my wallet when he signed the bill. That's the way to be, my lads. So rich you don't bother about real money. Hey, lass, another three of the same.'

  'Not for me,' said Pascoe, covering his glass in alarm. 'I'm not well into this one yet.'

  'Nor me,' said Headingley, though with less conviction.

  The woman approached with another pint which she put firmly in front of Dalziel. Pascoe smiled his thanks and something which might have been a responsive humour touched her pale narrow lips.

  'Fancy a slice of that, do you?' said Dalziel. 'She's not your speed, lad. Burn you up with her exhaust while you're still looking for first gear. Any road, you should be ashamed of yourself, you with a fine wife to wash your linen and a bonny babbie to dandle on your knee.'

  It was an interesting picture. Even Headingley grinned and said, 'It must be a comfort, all that clean linen, if you ever get knocked down by a getaway car.'

  'Yes,' said Pascoe. 'Though Ellie does complain about skinning her elbows on the edge of the wash-tub. But to get back to what we were talking about, don't you think you should tell Inspector Headingley exactly what you are doing here?'

  Headingley stopped grinning and hid his face in his beer glass. Even with the semi-official investigative authority he had received from the DCC, he wouldn't have dared essay so direct an approach to Dalziel. But it might be interesting to see how far the fat man would let his golden lad go before he came to a dusty answer.

  'What do you think, Peter?' asked Dalziel through a mouthful of pie. 'Cover up my tracks? Cut out a few tongues? Any road, what's it to you? If it's jolly George here I should be pouring out my soul to, how come you're asking the questions? I don't see his hand up the back of your jacket!'

  Pascoe said carefully, 'Just call it mere vulgar curiosity, sir.'

  'That's all right then,' said Dalziel, suddenly relaxing. 'Mrs Abbiss!'

  'Yes?' came the low, musical voice.

  'You didn't find a spare hat when you tidied up last night, did you? Trilby, I suppose you'd call it. Grey wool, with a black band, size 7 ^ /4, manufactured by Usher and Sons of Leeds?'

  Silence, and then she materialized behind Pascoe, reached over him and placed a grey trilby in Dalziel's hands.

  'Thanks, love,' he said. He placed it carefully on his head.

  'Fits, you see,' he said, eyeing Pascoe steadily. 'If it fits, wear it, that's what they say, isn't it? This kind of weather, fifty per cent of heat loss is through the top of your head, did you know that? Like walking around with a fucking chimney! Well, what've you got so far, Sherlock?'

  The sudden switch away from Pascoe took Headingley by surprise and he choked on his beer. This occasioned a usefully cunctatory bout of coughing, but the therapeutic blow Dalziel administered between his shoulder-blades extended this to the nearer shores of death.

  Pascoe answered.

  'One of your fellow diners here saw you driving away in your car.'

  'Oh aye?' said Dalziel without interest. 'So the DCC said.'

  'By chance she worked at The Towers where the man that got knocked over was staying at the moment.'

  'Emotionally involved then? Not the best kind of witness,' pronounced Dalziel with Denning-like authority. 'Any road, she looks like a trouble-maker.'

  He drained a good two-thirds of his second pint and smacked his heavy lips.

  'You've seen her then?' asked Pascoe in alarm, thinking this could only mean Dalziel had paid a visit to The Towers.

  'Only last night, lad,' said Dalziel, grinning as he read Pascoe's face. 'Leastways if she's the one I'm thinking of. She was hanging round the hallway waiting for her mate to finish tarting herself up when I came out. Late thirties, black hair, puckers her mouth up like a cat's arsehole when she's thinking? I noticed her earlier looking over at our table like she'd have been glad to chuck us out. Works at The Towers, does she? The way she ordered her grub and signed her bill, I'd have thought she were a princess of the blood at least.'

  'Unfortunately your impressions are not evidence, sir,' said Pascoe. 'Either she's right or she's mistaken. Which?'

  There's blunt for you, he thought. There's bold! There's bloody crazy!

  But Dalziel seemed unoffended.

  'Who knows?' he said. 'Mebbe she's right. Mebbe we stopped along the road a ways and changed over. Or mebbe she's mistaken. It was a nasty night, rain and sleet, lousy visibility. Easy to get things wrong.'

  'Excuse me,' said Pascoe, rising. He was so angry that he didn't trust himself to say anything further at this point. He left the bar, went into the toilet and relieved himself. What the hell was Dalziel playing at? Keeping his options open till he'd checked with the other witnesses? It was time he got back to town.

  When he came out of the toilet he almost bumped into Stella Abbiss coming out of the bar with a tray on which were two glasses of brandy.

  'Hello,' he said. 'Could I have a word?'

  'About last night? You'd better talk to my husband. He's in the kitchen.'

  'I'd rather talk to you,' said Pascoe, smiling.

  'I'm serving in the dining-room,' she said curtly.

  'Surely one of your minions could manage that?'

  'We have no minions,' she said wearily.

  'No one?' said Pascoe, amazed, and also indignant at such labour being imposed on such frailty. 'You can't run a hotel single-handed.'

  'The hotel closes down in October,' she explained. 'We don't get enough off-season custom to make it worthwhile. So there's just the restaurant. There's a girl comes in from the village, but only at nights. And we had another girl living in, but she's just walked out on us. Fortunately we're having a quiet lunch-time today. Neverthless, I'll have to go.'

  She moved swiftly away through a door which led into the dining-room, a long and airy chamber looking out on to a falling garden whose shrubs and trees, ragged and depressed in the aftermath of last night's winter storm, must have presented a colourful prospect in spring and summer. The faded silk wall-hangings, wishy-washy watercolours, threadbare rugs and a heterogeneous collection of knick-knacks concentrated on the broad mantel above the large open fire, all contributed to the feel of the place as a room in a private house which must, Pascoe thought, be an economic ambience to opt for. There were tables for eighteen to twenty-four diners, depending on their groupings. At present there were only six people having lunch, a group of four middle-aged men and an elderly, almost mummified couple before whom Stella Abbiss set the brandy balloons. One of the men called to her 'See how it's coming along, love!' as she passed on her way to a door at the far end of the room which obviously led into the kitchen.

  Pascoe walked swiftly after her and met her as she re-emerged bearing a coffee-pot. She did not look at him and he went on into the kitchen where he found a slender man of about thirty wearing stretch cords in lichen green, a lavender see-through silk shirt and an expression of great anger, standing over a stove beating something in a pan.

  'Yes?' he said aggressively.

  'Mr Abbiss?'

  'Yes!’
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br />   'Detective-Inspector Pascoe. I wonder if…'

  'In a minute!' said Abbiss. 'Can't you see I'm busy?'

  The door opened and his wife came back in. She didn't speak but stood patiently by the entrance, watching her husband who Pascoe now saw was preparing zabaglione. He tried vainly to catch the woman's eye. Were she wearing a see-through shirt, he felt as if he might be able to see right through to the other side. She really did need care and attention, a loving man to pick her frail form up and carry it away to a cool, soft sick-bed and lay her down, and somehow at this juncture the administration of nourishing broths merged and melded into more primitive forms of healing involving the laying on of hands and of everything else the ingenious physician could possibly bring to bear on that thin white body with its…

  He pulled himself up with a start. Abbiss had completed his own nourishing broth and was spooning it into four dishes which his wife had placed on a tray. Finished, she picked up the tray and left. They had not exchanged a word.

  'Some pricks!' said Abbiss savagely. 'Some pricks!'

  For a second Pascoe thought he was being attacked for letting his recent fantasy show too clearly, but Abbiss went on, 'He comes in here, only the third time he's been, the other twice with a grotesque creature with tits like turnips and taste to match (darling, I drink Barsac with everything!), and here he is, entertaining his business chums and acting as if he's bought the place! Lunch, you eat your puddings off the trolley. There's only the two of us, what do they expect? And have you seen our sweet trolley? Trolley? the gourmets cry. No! it's a cornucopia on wheels! But does the prick hesitate between the Clafouti a la Liqueur and the Peches Cardinal? Does he draw his ghastly guests' attention to the Riz a I'lmperatrice? No! The tiresome turd says, "Hey, Jeremy (twice before, and it's Jeremy already!) what we really fancy is some of that Eyetie yellow stuff you do so well." "Zabaglione?" I say. "Aye, and up yours too," says this Wilde of Wharfedale, this Coward of Cleckheaton. "You can whip us up a bit of that, can't you, Jeremy?" I demur. I am camp, but firm. This liver fluke in ill-cut shoddy tipsily rears himself out of his cow-plat and gets nasty. "At these prices, you can surely do us that, Jeremy," he says. "At these prices up here in Yorkshire, folk expect a hot meal. These aren't cold meal prices, Jeremy." I am torn. There is a Mousseline au Chocolat on top of the trolley which would mould itself perfectly to his mean little face. But what a waste! I think. What a waste! So I capitulate. I bow, I scrape. I come in here, and I create!'

  'That is certainly what you're doing,' said Pascoe. 'Creating. In every sense.'

  Suddenly Abbiss smiled and relaxed.

  'Well, I have to get rid of it. Thanks for listening. Does me good.'

  Yes, thought Pascoe. I think it does. He had observed with interest how the genuine naked indignation which had marked the beginning of the outburst had rapidly had its energies diverted to a shaping of the narrative itself. A Wilde of Wharfedale, A Coward of Cleckheaton! Not bad.

  'Now, what can I do for you?'

  Pascoe explained. Obviously his wife had already warned him of this constabulary invasion and its probable purpose, for the man expressed no surprise, but answered swiftly and with the appearance of frankness.

  'Yes, your man Dalziel was a bit pissed. No wonder! He drinks like a man with a hollow leg, doesn't he? But he didn't get too obnoxious, at least not by the standards we've got to live down to round here. Even sober, most of our customers talk at ten decibels. Two kinds of noise we get here. Either it's the defiant bellow of self-made brass, like that little gang hopefully choking on the yellow Eyetie stuff, or the arrogant bray of inherited wealth. No, you've got to make a lot of noise before you get reprimanded at Paradise Hall.'

  'Especially, I suppose, if you're a policeman and you're with Arnie Charlesworth,' said Pascoe slyly.

  'Mr Charlesworth is a valued, and valuable customer,' admitted Abbiss. 'As is Major Kassell who made up the party. As I hope will be Superintendent Dalziel now he has discovered us. But, in answer to your unsubtle insinuation, I had no idea I was feeding the fuzz last night until that jerk-off journalist greased his way in here this morning.'

  'What about your other customers? We might want to talk to some of them, especially any who left at the same time as Mr Charlesworth.'

  'I can't say I noticed who left just then,' said Abbiss. 'We were, happily, very busy last night.'

  'Not even Mrs Warsop?'

  'Mrs Warsop?' he said in a puzzled voice.

  'Mrs Doreen Warsop, bursar down at The Towers. She was dining here last night and left at the same time as Mr Charlesworth.'

  'Really? Well, I can't be expected to remember everyone's name and all their comings and goings,' he said. 'As I say, we were very busy. Our girl who comes in was in a state of pre-menstrual tension or some such thing which borders on idiocy, and our girl who lived in until a couple of hours ago was clearly determined on farewell sabotage. So last night in particular I hardly had time to notice a face. The diners were just human wallpaper, Inspector. Just human wallpaper!'

  'Bollocks,' said Pascoe kindly. 'You've got regulars. You've got people actually signing their bills! You're telling me you don't know where to send their accounts? And any casuals who ring up to book, you mean to say you don't ask for a telephone number just so we can get in touch to let you know of any significant changes in our menu, sir. Or do you go so far as asking new boys to send a deposit? Keeping a table for non-showers must be damned expensive when you're working to tight profit-margins.'

  'Don't let my shabby appearance fool you,' said Abbiss. 'We're doing all right. And yes, of course I could put you in touch with most of my customers. Only, quite frankly, I don't believe I want to. Can you think of anything more likely to frighten my regulars away than the thought that they're under surveillance? Good lord, I had a chap in here last week, was declared bankrupt in the afternoon and celebrated with two hundred quid's worth of booze and nosh for him and his loved ones the same night!'

  'The sight of your name in the paper for impeding the police might have an even more powerful deterrent effect,' said Pascoe.

  Abbiss smiled and shook his head. He was, Pascoe had concluded with rueful regret, far from being the archly gay restaurateur so beloved of straight diners. That was an act for the customers. Stella Abbiss, whatever else she needed, did not need rescuing from a mismatch.

  'No,' said Abbiss. 'That would be splendid free advertising, giving the world my address and telling them how loyal I was to my patrons. In any case, Inspector, I'd need legal advice, but it does seem to me at a glance that you're on a rather sticky wicket. I mean, what reason can you give for wanting these names?'

  'We want to interview witnesses,' said Pascoe.

  'Witnesses of what? To what? Has a crime been committed? Certainly not here. Where then? Along the road? The accident? Mr Charlesworth, I believe, says he was driving. I can certainly vouch for Mr Charlesworth's sobriety, as can my wife. In any case, I believe he took a breathalyser test.'

  'You're well informed.'

  'You can thank the insinuating Mr Ruddlesdin for that,' said Abbiss. 'So what can the state of Mr Dalziel's health have to do with anything? Perhaps I should consult further with Mr Ruddlesdin.'

  Oh dear, thought Pascoe. Threats, and not altogether idle. He glanced at his watch. Jesus! He ought to be back at Welfare Lane by now. And he should have rung in. As far as Wield knew, he was either at Eltervale Camp or in The Duke of York.

  Abbiss suddenly smiled as if scenting a weakening resolve, and said, 'Look, Inspector, surely we're on the same side in this. We all want a good press, don't we?'

  On the whole, Pascoe preferred the threats. But the decision how to play this wasn't really his.

  He said, 'Well, I think my colleague, Mr Headingley, will probably want to take this matter further, Mr Abbiss, but it's up to him.'

  He took the spoon out of the zabaglione pan and licked it.

  'Good,' he approved. 'I must come round and try it some day. But only if it's
on the menu!'

  'For you, sweetie,' said Abbiss, falling back into his camp role, 'on, off, it's always on. We can't have our prettier policemen going short, can we?'

  Pascoe returned to the bar, waving at Stella Abbiss en route. Headingley had succumbed and was half way through a second pint while Dalziel was finishing his third. Pascoe also noticed that his portion of game pie had disappeared and had little doubt of its destination.

  He said, 'I'll leave you to it, George. I've really got to get back.'

  'Hey, but my car's back at The Duke of York,' said Headingley in alarm.

  'That's your problem,' said Pascoe with some irritation.

  Dalziel finished his pint and said, 'No problem. You finish your business here, George, while I have another pint. Then I'll drive you back to The Duke. No need to look worried – it's not the car in the smash-up. I've borrowed one from the pool while they're looking over mine.'

  This information seemed to contain little for Headingley's comfort and he looked at Pascoe like a man betrayed.

  Dalziel said, 'You take care now, Peter.'

  His tone was light and friendly. But Pascoe somehow felt the words were even more accusatory than Headingley's gaze and he left more irritated than ever at finding added to his already large burden of problems a quite unjustified weight of guilt.

  Chapter 13

  'Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.'

  'Out at Paradise Hall! And what the hell were you doing at Paradise Hall?'

  It was unfortunate. Sammy Ruddlesdin, thwarted in his attempt to get hold of Pascoe to question him about the Deeks case, had rung up the DCC to 'confirm some facts' about the Westerman accident. It had clearly just been a fishing expedition, but during the course of it the DCC had rather pompously suggested that he was surprised to find the Press so interested in a road accident when a particularly unpleasant murder was being investigated. If it was such an important case, Ruddlesdin had wondered, why didn't the DCC summon his head of CID back from his sudden and local holiday? Nevertheless, he continued without pausing for an answer, the Press would be extremely interested in talking to the albeit rather junior officer in charge of the Deeks case, if only someone among his minions could be found who actually knew where he was.